GAPS

Dear Family,

"Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime. Teach a man to cycle and he will realize fishing is stupid and boring."

--Desmond Tutu

"Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving."

-- Terry Pratchett, "A Hat Full of Sky"

It's hard to discuss my own mental health with both humor and compassion.

Robbie was sick and compromised from birth. He lacked oxygen during many hours of labor, and was born barely alive. Afterward, he was limp and listless and would only sleep. For a couple days he was like that, no nursing at all for many hours. There was every indication that he had irreparable brain damage.

He always had issues that were obvious to me, a mother of 5, because my older children didn't have any of them. He was not vaccinated, never had antibiotics, and was breastfed until age 5 or 6...and still he was never, ever well.

Dear Family,

"I don't know whether I believe in God or not. I think, really, I'm some sort of Buddhist. But the essential thing is to put oneself in a frame of mind which is close to that of prayer."

--Matisse

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Jemmerisms:

"[I made] a teeny candle, in case you want a teeny bit of light…an' this one is even _tinier_, for those times when you need an even tinier light."

"[The snow] is so pretty, 'cause it's not falling super fast or super slow."

"How does a so-tiny baby neck hold up a so-big baby head?"

"…ARGUING! That's what we're doing over here."

Dear Family,

A large number of people seem to agree on this: You have to acknowledge and accept what's going on in order to be able to change it. People say this about losing weight, revamping personal relationships, and changing careers. It has always seemed to me like the kind of “well, No DUH!!”-sort of advice that isn't worth giving a second thought, because it's so damn obvious.

Toni began using the GAPS protocol in 2009, when her son Ethan was 11. "He had been diagnosed with ADHD, with emphasis on the Hyperactivity, and had sensory symptoms as well, including 'Auditory Processing Disorder' and 'Sensory Integration Disorder.'"

The family had already spent many years and too much money on lots of failed therapies for Ethan. As Toni puts it, "I had never felt comfortable with medication for ADHD, but by the time Ethan was ten, I was desperate. Either I was going to need medication, or he was."

In this essay, Toni and Ethan share their perspectives on some of the amazing healing that has taken place after 2.5 years on GAPS.